In Too Deep (Heart Lines) Read online

  I thought that my best option was to grab them. It had to be, I told myself. I could push them up until we swam to the buoy together and they could catch their breath then and there.

  I used my legs to move myself forward and tried to catch up to them. It was surprisingly difficult. Because we were in water, and because I had only really seen the top half of their head, I didn’t really know where they were located or where they were sinking.

  “Hello?”

  I could hear the echo of my voice around me, and it sounded ridiculous. They were underwater, they were definitely not going to be able to reply, and I needed to find them ASAP. I splashed around, wondering if that would lead me to find them, vaguely aware of what a silly idea that was.

  I just didn’t know what else I was supposed to do. I had no real point of reference, except for the other buoy, which was about a hundred feet away from the one I had been closest to.

  The person who was drowning appeared to be halfway through both of them, so that was where I went, still unsure on how I was going to find them. I called out a couple of more times, but the only sound I heard back was my own voice, sounding more panicked than I wanted it to.

  For a second, I thought about calling for help, but it was too far away from the beach, and I didn’t think anybody would be able to hear me. In any case, even if somebody did come and help, it would probably take far too long. I couldn’t risk it. I needed to find them myself, and there was absolutely no time to wait for help.

  I felt someone tugging at me. They grabbed my arm first, and the grip was surprisingly strong, even under the water. This was it, I knew where they were, and I was going to help them up, and then swim with them to safety. I tried to wrap my arms around their waist so that I could prop them up over the water, using their own body’s ability to float in order to do that, but as I got closer to them, I could feel them start thrashing more, clearly panicking, and while I was trying hard to tell them that I was going to help them, they didn’t—they couldn’t—hear me.

  Before I could swim away from them, they were pushing me down. While they were smaller than me, their grip was strong, and because it was slippery, I couldn’t swim away from them. Even when I tried to push away from them with my hands, I wasn’t able to do it.

  I couldn’t bring myself to get them off me, even when I was pushing them with all my strength. Instead of being able to get them off me, they were pushing me down, trying to use me as a floater so that they could get their head over the water. Their other hand fell on my shoulder and they pressed down, hard as they could, hard enough to make me sink into the water.

  I didn’t have time to breathe before I was pushed down.

  I immediately felt my nose and throat fill with water. I felt like I wanted to cough, but there was no way for me to cough. There was no way for me to do anything except push against what the drowning person was doing to me, and there was no way for me to swim up since they were using my body in order to claw their way back up to safety.

  I couldn’t do anything. They had climbed up me like a staircase and they were going to breathe, but in the meantime, I was losing my own ability to breath and I was slowly panicking.

  I didn’t want to panic.

  Unfortunately, it was too late.

  I was panicking.

  And I couldn’t breathe.

  And I couldn’t get out of the water.

  I thrashed and moved in the water, trying my best to get out of it, trying my best to get away from what they were doing. Right then, all I cared about was my own safety, so with the little clarity I had left, I kicked them hard on the midriff.

  It wasn’t enough to get them to release me completely, but it was enough to loosen their grip slightly, which was all I needed.

  As I tried to swim away from them, I realized that the problem was that I was exhausted. I could hardly get my muscles to move the way I needed them to, my legs and arms felt like they had no coordination, and even though I knew how to float, it felt like I was unable to pull myself up even with the buoyancy of my own body.

  I told myself not to panic.

  Even through the sudden darkness, I needed to be able to think clearly.

  I wasn’t.

  I could tell that I wasn’t, and I could tell that I wanted to turn to this person, and use them as my own floating device.

  I didn’t.

  I stuck my arms to my sides, perpendicular to my body, and I flexed my feet so that I could be on my tiptoes. It was enough to make me rise, allowing the water strength to sweep me up back into breathable air.

  I took a deep breath, and began coughing desperately.

  I looked around, still looking for the person was drowning, now aware I probably wouldn’t be able to save them.

  Not without sacrificing my own life.

  And it had not escaped my attention that I had gotten lucky.

  But they were going to sink, and they were going to die.

  I tried to think of other solutions. It was hard to brainstorm when my lungs felt like they were on fire, when it felt like I was still spitting out salty water all while I was exhausted and trying to thread water so that I wouldn’t sink again.

  I didn’t even notice the sound until someone tapped me on the shoulder. “Hey,” a deep and masculine voice I had never heard before said. “He’s out cold. Put his arm around your neck, and we will swim slowly back to shore. Don’t get underwater, okay?”

  I looked at him, my eyes wide. I was so tired; I didn’t even register the way that he looked.

  I did as he told me. It felt like he was going to get me out of trouble. I wrapped a scrawny arm around the back of my neck, and very slowly, we began swimming back to shore.

  There was no conversation, there was nothing, just the sound of my quickened breathing and his very paced breathing.

  We never stopped. Even when I was tired, even when I told them that I needed to. He didn’t let me.

  He told me to keep pushing, but he slowed down.

  Even though it had taken me about three minutes to go out to the buoys, it felt like it took me at least twenty to get back to shore.

  Once we finally got there, I crawled onto the sand. The man who had helped me smelled like suntan lotion and ocean, and he told me to sit up, and not go to sleep.

  I told him I wasn’t going to go to sleep, but my voice was croaky and it was hard to speak.

  I tried to take deep breaths, vaguely aware that people were crowding around us. I tried to slow down my breath, my fingers sticking to the sand, which was wet from the tide.

  I was on all fours, my knees touching the sand, still trying to breathe.

  When it felt like I had actually managed to catch my breath, I realized that somebody was asking me how I was doing.

  I waved my hand in front of their face, only vaguely aware of what they were saying. “The kid,” I said, my voice very little recognizable to myself. “Where is he?”

  “What kid?” The voice asked.

  “The kid. Where’s the kid?”

  The people crowding around me seemed to get the message as they began to make a path.

  The kid, who was maybe twelve or thirteen, was on his back, and the man who had saved us was looking down at him.

  The kid’s eyes fluttered open, and he turned to look immediately at me.

  Our gazes met for one second before he doubled onto himself, cutting up what looked to be large amounts of water. His coughing was deep and scary, and it sounded like he was drowning all over again.

  “Who are these kid’s parents?” The man who had swam out for us asked, his voice booming around us.

  With wobbly feet, I walked over to him, and to the kid.

  I met his gaze and opened my mouth. He was about to ask me something, but I shook my head. “You need to call an ambulance,” I said. “Now. Get me some towels, too.”

  His eyes narrowed slightly, but he nodded. “Yes,” he said. “Sure.”

  I barely noticed him and what he
was talking about when I edged closer to the kid. I put him in the recovery position, lying on his side with his leg and arm bent in order to prop him up, and his head tilted back so that his airway would remain open.

  I put my arm on his shoulder, which was surprisingly cold despite the warmth of the sun on us. The towels came not a moment too soon and I put them on him like a blanket.

  “Hey,” I said. “My name is Terry. You’re going to be okay; help is coming. Just keep calm, okay?”

  He almost turned to face me, but I stopped him.

  “No,” I said. “Just stay how you were. I need you on your side until the EMTs come get you, alright?”

  He closed his eyes.

  “You’re going to be okay,” I said, rubbing his shoulder, my throat on fire every time I spoke. “You will be.”

  ***

  I looked up at the doctor, who was still taking notes on her pad.

  “So, just to double check,” she said, her southern accent filling the small office. “You don’t have any chest pain?”

  “I mean, a little,” I said. “I was taking these great big breaths, but…”

  “It sounds like you had a hell of a scare,” she said. “You need to rest.”

  “My best friend’s wedding is this weekend,” I replied. “I don’t have time to rest.”

  She laughed. “You can rest before then,” she said. “You can still partake in some of the activities, but try not to get too drunk or anything.”

  “Will that hurt?”

  “No,” she said. “But I want you to have a very good handle on how you’re feeling over the next few days.”

  I nodded. I had just started med-school, and I could definitely understand where she was coming from. I might not have any outward symptoms that something was wrong with me, but it was important that I keep an eye on my own symptoms, because things could always take a turn for the worse.

  I swallowed. “What about the kid?”

  She sighed, puffing up her cheeks when she did, looking decidedly annoyed. “I can’t tell you anything,” she said. “You know that. HIPPA.”

  “Yes, sorry,” I said. “I was just curious. I just wanted to know if he will be okay.”

  She looked at me for a second, then sighed. “I hope so,” she said. “Come back if you feel like you can’t breathe, okay?”

  I nodded. “Sure,” I said. “Absolutely.”

  “Good.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  2017

  NOAH

  I watched my girlfriend, who was sipping a cocktail and talking about something that I didn’t care about. I didn’t want to tell her to stop talking, but I could see her mouth moving, and I could hear sounds coming out of it, and I didn’t know what she was saying at all.

  I took another look at her, at her straightened blonde hair and her big bright green eyes with the curled and darkened eyelashes.

  “Noah,” she said.

  I shook my head and stared at her. “Sorry, what?”

  “Noah,” she whined, her voice rising up an octave. “We were supposed to be here rekindling our relationship, but you are just… not here at all. You’re supposed to be present.”

  I swallowed and looked her up and down. “It’s just been a hell of a day, Kayla.”

  She put her hand on mind and squeezed it. “I know, baby,” she said. “But that’s why we’re here, having a drink, so that you have some time to get away from it.”

  I slammed my drink on the table. “The thing is, I don’t know if I want to get away from it,” I said, staring right at her. “I don’t—”

  “Noah, baby,” she said. “You need to just forget all about that. Just enjoy being here, having a drink with me.”

  I waved her off. “What about that kid? What about the fact that he was out there, completely… just completely unsupervised?”

  “It’s none of your business,” she said.

  I looked her up and down. “Excuse me?”

  “I said, it’s none of your business,” Kayla said, then sighed and shook her head. “Listen, you did everything that you could, right? That’s all anyone can ask of you.”

  “I don’t think that’s true,” I said.

  She dropped her shoulders and took another sip of her drink, finishing her cocktail all at once. She tipped her head back, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and stared at me. “This is our time,” she said.

  I clenched my jaw as I looked her up and down. “Fine,” I said. “But a kid nearly drowned because people weren’t paying attention to him, and this might just be my imagination, but I was almost certain that I could smell a little hint of alcohol on him. So I’m sorry I’m not being the world’s most perfect boyfriend right now, but I have a lot on my mind, okay?”

  “He’s fine,” she spat out. “He’s alive. You saved him.”

  I slammed my fist on the table, which startled me. I didn’t realize how angry I had been. Her gaze darted between my fist and my hand.

  I shook my head and stood up, walking away from her despite the fact that she was calling my name. I couldn’t deal with her or with anything she had to say. I didn’t have time for it, and I didn’t want to end up screaming at her in public.

  I needed to get away from her.

  Our relationship was the last thing on my mind. Our relationship was okay, but she really wanted me to propose, and I wasn’t ready for that. I liked Kayla, she was generally sweet and fun, but I didn’t see her as marriage material.

  I was in school, and unlike her, I didn’t want to get married immediately after graduation. I couldn’t care less about having a giant wedding, and I didn’t know if Kayla really wanted to sit around waiting for me when I traveled with the rowing team, because I knew she probably didn’t want to stand by the side and watch me row.

  She didn’t like the rest of the team and I didn’t think she would want to stay in a hotel with them either while we were getting ready for a competition. She wanted my attention, and even as I walked over to the bathroom, I could hardly keep my thoughts on her.

  I could only think of the kid who I had pulled out of the sea. Even when I was giving him CPR, my heart beating fast in my chest, I felt like I was going to throw up as I tried to bring him back to life.

  When his eyes finally fluttered open, I had a chance to think about the girl. She had been drowning, too, and yet when I told her that it was time to get to shore, she didn’t hesitate to help with the kid.

  In fact, if it hadn’t been for her, there would have been no way that I would’ve known about the drowning kid when I was trying to go out for a swim, and in truth, trying to get a short break from Kayla.

  Then I remembered the way she had looked when we had arrived back on shore, like she was about to throw up, her hair wet and curly, and her fingers buried deep in the sand. Even though her lungs were probably on fire, she rushed to help with the boy.

  I was grateful. Mostly, I was impressed.

  I didn’t think I would ever run into her again, and I didn’t know if I wanted to. Saving her had been accidental. I knew that she was probably in danger too, because drowning people were often dangerous, and trying to save them without experience was an easy way to get killed.

  But even though she must have been scared, she just rose up to the challenge.

  And she wasn’t just scared.

  She was genuinely hurt.

  She was hurt, and she didn’t care about any of that. All that she cared about was the kid.

  The kid.

  And I didn’t—fuck, I hadn’t even asked her name, and I thought I was probably going to regret that for the rest of my life. I was thinking about that as I tried to get past the long line which led to the women’s bathroom. It was so jampacked in there, I could hardly move.

  I tried to navigate past the masses of warm bodies as I tried to get to the men’s bathroom, ignoring the many screaming and chatting girls around me.

  As I squeezed past them, my gaze landed on the girl who was waiting for
the women’s bathroom, her eyes closed. I instantly recognized her.

  She was the girl who had saved the drowning boy.

  She was the one who had saved herself from drowning.

  Her gaze met mine, and I felt a tugging at the corner of my lips. “Hey,” I said. “Do you know who I am?”

  “Yes,” she said. “You’re the guy who saved the kid. You are the guy who saved me.”

  “I hardly saved you,” he said. “You saved yourself. You swam, and you helped with the kid.”

  “If you hadn’t been there, we would’ve both drowned.”

  “Yes,” I replied. “But if you hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that somebody was drowning in the first place.”

  She smiled at me. “Are you here with someone?” She asked. “I’m here with the rest of my friend’s bridesmaids and all they want to do is talk about it. I thought getting out of the hotel would be nice, but I just don’t want to… I don’t know. I don’t want to keep explaining it.”

  “I get that. I’m here with my girlfriend, and she just wants me to forget it. But honestly, I feel like I still need to process it.”

  “Get away from it then.”

  “I can’t. This is supposed to be like, a relationship trip or something.”

  She chuckled. “Do you want to go for a walk? You can just say the lines were super long or something.”

  “Do you think she’ll let me get away with that?”

  She laughed again. “Or you can go back. You should do whatever you want to do.”

  “Fine. Let’s go for a walk.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  2017

  TERRY

  We slipped away from the bar through the opening behind the bathrooms, getting onto the beach and taking steps toward the ocean. We were getting away from the people at the bar, the loud sounds of their chatter, and stepping into the beach where the sand crunched underfoot.

  “Aren’t you going to get in trouble with your girlfriend?”

  He laughed. “Yes, probably,” he said. “I can pretend that the line was really long or something.”